Not even hours after we “defined the relationship” with a very deep and profound sentence of:


Sun: “It seems kind of obvious that I like you…”

Me: “And I like you.”

We left each other. He dropped me off at a bus depot around midnight for an overnight ride from Chicago to somewhere in South Dakota where I had volunteered to be a week long camp counselor. This was our first taste of long distance. The week was very very very long.
Then, after I returned, only a month thereafter, Sunny returned to University of Miami to start his junior year, while I went back to teaching sixth graders in Humboldt Park, a neighborhood in the Chicago area. And for two whole years, we nurtured a long distance relationship with only a few visits and face to face times in the beginnings of our relationship. When Sun graduated and returned to Illinois, he proposed and we were married less than ten months later.

So how does one do the long distance thing? And not just survive, but actually thrive and build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships, but whenever I hear someone say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t do long distance,” I shrug my shoulders, because I won’t lie. It was difficult in many respects. But in the end, I would have to say it’s possible and it’s so worth it. If the right person for you comes along.

1. Be afraid to pick up the phone and call.

4. Think you can ever write too many letters.

Sketched on a Napkin

9. Expect something that is unrealistic, unspoken, or unagreed upon. Like chocolate covered roses…everyday.

10. Assume. Instead ask. Trust. and Hope. And Look forward to the next time you’ll see each other.

DO’s

1. Call each other. Daily if you can. And set time limits for high pressure times (ie. during exams or at 2:00 A.M. when one person has an 8:00AM meeting.)

2. Write. Often. Whether an email, post card, letter or text message. I was a bit of a nut. I wrote at minimum three letters a day, but Sun was not an avid writer, but he sent me his weekly recordings of his radio show. With the occasionally on the air song dedication. Go ahead. An awwww is definitely in order.

3. Be creative. I sent odd, inexpensive things to my now hubs just to tell him I was thinking of him. Like a hanger to say “hang in there” during finals. A Burger King crown to let him know he was my prince. And my personal favorite: an autumn leaf since in Miami the leaves don’t change color. Still need to send a personal Thank You to the U.S. Postal office for their stellar delivery of my stamped yellow and orange leaf. And send gifts on non-special occasions. These are the best surprises. Once hubby sent me rice crispy treats shaped into hearts. They were so precious and yummy too.

4. Read a book together. We read two or three during those two years. One was called “For Dating Couples” by H. Norman Wright. I still remember the first story like it was yesterday. The book had 60 one page topics about relationships and always ended with a discussion question. Our communication improved and topics neither of us thought to discuss came up. Well worth the investment.

5. Plan dates on the phone or Skype or Oovoo or Facetime. If you were physically together, you’d spend the time together anyway, so plan for it, and have fun with it. Back then, it was the phone, but now there are a lot of options. You can get all hot and pretty for your guy and he can give you virtual flowers through the screen. It’s all about how you want to define the limits and I had the option of FaceTime back then, I would want to play Chess or Scrabble across the screen. Or BattleShip! For sure!

My First Published Book: A Compilation of all our Letters 6. Be thankful for the opportunity to invest in building a deep friendship. Ask more questions as your relationship grows and really get to know the other person. His dreams, fears, hopes, struggles, and which shoe he puts on first. Great trivia for future bridal showers.

7. Make each visit special but not so loaded with expectations that you overwhelm each other with disappointments. 

Believe it or not. The age old adage holds true. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.