Sorry this is a few days late, but I have a confession to make. I didn’t want to tell you. That I was giving up something for Lent. In case I failed. And then I’d be a half-hearted Lenter, in which case, why Lent at all?
I didn’t grow up Catholic. But I’ve always had plenty of friends each year, back to when I was in college, who planned, thought through, and followed through on forty days without a certain item, activity, or most often a particular food or drink.
When I was a college senior, I decided to give it a whirl.
I told my friends that I was giving up chocolate for Lent. They all laughed at me, knowing the level of severe addiction I suffered from. Well, three days into it, after I had walked past chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, moist chocolate cake with my name on it, and the rows of candy bars inconveniently located by the check out at the grocery store, I felt pretty good about myself. I can do this. I got this.
That Sunday after Ash Wednesday, several friends and I walked into a table of free donuts near the dorm entrance offered by some campus group promoting something or the other. Without thinking, I popped a chocolate munchkin into my mouth, and my friend Tim looked over at me and just shook his head. “Just couldn’t resist, could you?”
“What?” I asked, clueless as to my crime.
“Isn’t that a chocolate donut in your mouth?”
Gulp. “Oopsie.”
And just like that, I was undone. I messed up. I failed.
I spent the rest of the day trying to justify what happened. I mean, did it really count if I didn’t realize what I was doing? Seriously, how much chocolate is there really in that little bite-sized sphere? It’s not like it had a solid chunk of straight chocolate that I knew for sure was really chocolate…that’s the stuff I’m really giving up… And on and on, until I was wondering if I should just start over and carry out Lent a few days past Easter to make up for the blunder. Kind of like Monopoly, when you get shuttled back to start and don’t get to collect $200.
In the end, I bailed. I decided giving up things was for the next person. The person who really “needed” it. I was good. Back to my chocolate covered world I happily trotted. And that was that.
Some [cough cough] years later, I’m giving it a second go. Before I tell you what I’m giving up for Lent, I have to tell you why. Everyone has their reasons for practicing or abstaining from Lent, and I think if you’re honest with yourself, you know if your heart needs to focus on refrain or grace. Traditional Lenters give up something in order to contemplate what Christ did for them on the cross and prepare for Easter in attitude and action—giving up something that isn’t easy, knowing Jesus gave up his very life for them. I get that.
Non-lenters often argue that Lent isn’t in the Bible, but neither is Christmas or Easter. And they focus on what Christ achieved on the cross, the very breath and perfect picture of Grace. So why torture yourself when he said, “It is finished.” I get that too.
This Blogger is all about Grace. If you didn’t know that by now, you’ll have to flip back a post or two and you’ll know that Grace is my middle name. Well, it’s really Kaur, but it’s my secret, invisible, other middle name. I get Grace.
What I need to get, or rather give, is something else. I am giving up something this year in order to give back something that from the outward action resembles a drop of water compared to the ocean before me.
I think back to the past year of my life, and how I announced to my husband, then friends and family, and finally the rest of the world that I really wanted to be a writer. And this time, I wasn’t just going to dream about it, talk about it, and then sit back and eat some more chocolate. I put my pen to the paper, or rather my fingers to the keyboard, and actually began to pump out words, sentences, pages, stories and now books. I never imagined in my wildest dreams how God would affirm my dream. Each step of the way, through loved ones, writing contests, Cythia Ruchtie, an author whose writing I greatly admire, and now Chip MacGregor, my Literary Agent who happens to have a great sense of humor, the signs all point to yes indeed, I might actually have what it takes.
All this to say, I’m giving up sugar [apart from fruit] in order to give back the Oscar! Because, I know that I didn’t arrive at this place alone. Meryll Frost, the quarterback named ‘Most courageous athlete of 1945,’ as he received his trophy, said, “They say behind every great man there’s a woman. While I’m not a great man, there’s a great woman behind me.” Well, I’d like to rephrase and edit that quote. I am a writer after all.
If I ever stand up on stage to receive an Oscar, this is how my thirty seconds in the spotlight will go… that is before the “Wrap it up” sign begins flashing and I start “freaking out” like Octavia Spenser did last night. By the way, she was phenomenal in “The Help!”
Anyway, first of all, I’d find the hottest, red, floor length, Louis Vuitton evening gown, on sale of course, for the red carpet entrance. Then when Denzel Washington [can I choose my presentor?] calls my name, I will stand, lean down and plant a lingering smooch on my hubby’s lips for the whole world to see. Then I’ll walk on stage, hopefully not trip in my silver stilettos and say from memory:
“Behind every great woman is a greater man. That man is my husband, my lover, my best friend and my Sunshine. But behind that greater man, is an even greater God. And tonight, I want to give him the trophy of my heart. For not only does he generously give me ideas for stories day in and day out, he daily fills me with His grace, forgiveness, power, and love. For every memorable story I write in my lifetime, I choose to put the spotlight on ‘God [who] rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.’” [The Message, 2Samuel22:25]
After the applause, I will waltz off stage behind the curtain to down a shot of liquid 72% dark chocolate. I’m sure Lent will be over by then.
I know it’s only day five, but in case you’re wondering, I have faced several battles, and I’m still breathing. Thus far, I’ve turned down warm, out of the oven cinnamon rolls, gulab jamans and rasmalai [two of my favorite Indian sweets] and a homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting that I made for my mother-in-law’s birthday. I’m not gonna lie, at one point, I tried to convince my kids that it didn’t count since it was homemade and had no “artificial” sugar in it. Riiiight?
My oldest saw through me right away. Hannah shook her head and said, “Mom. Don’t do it.”
Thank God for accountability and intervention. So, if any of you see me with even so much as a Hershey’s kiss between my fingertips, you have permission to slap it out of my hand to remind me of my commitment. For the next forty days.
And Tim, you’ll never guess what I bought for my break down moment. Because I know it’s coming.
Sure, it’s “baking” chocolate. I realize that now. So I might have to bake some kind of sugar-free goody, but in the end what matters is…
I can still have my chocolate!! 🙂
So what about you? Do you practice Lent? Did you give up anything this year? Do you like chocolate?
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I gave up coffee this past Lent, because it is one of my attachments. When I was a kid, my father frequently gave up beer for Lent. But he still drank beer on Sundays in Lent. He said that there were forty days of Lent and that Sundays were not counted as part of the 40 days. That part is true. And Sundays are always supposed to be a celebration of the Resurrection. But I still think the Sunday exception is a rationalization. Nevertheless, I chose to drink coffee on Sundays. And felt a slight shadow of guilt over it. But it helped me from falling on the other days. But when Lent was over and I had my first weekday coffee, I said to myself, what do I drink this stuff? It doesn’t taste like anything? I have drank only decaffeinated for the past 20+ years. Friends say, decaf, why bother? But I like the taste and the ritual. And now I’m back to drinking it like a fiend. But I do feel like I have just a little bit more self-control and freedom from my attachment than I did before. I can now go for a day or two without getting the desire.
Spoke with a mom last night who generously gave up “yelling!” for Lent…now that’s a sacrifice!!
Yeah, but my birthday is the day before Easter, so I really want to eat something chocolately at the midnight hour … so I have some serious motivation!! And the bark… you’ve surpassed me my friend!! We have got to get together and share some chocolate!! Were you at the chocolate party in St. Louis?? MY guess is that you were running it!! 😉
You can do it Raj. I’ve given up sugar too, and all forms of chocolate (because I totally would eat that 100% bar, shoot I’d eat the beans straight up, might just gnaw the bark off the cocoa tree).
And just in case, in a fit of madness, you accidentally eat something sugary, no worries. You just start from the second after that, for another 40 days.
(I just made that up, but it sounds painfully inspiring doesn’t it?)
Thanks for being so honest Cuban Blondie…. at first I thought FB was First Baptist…and I thought…oh, I’ll miss you….then I realized LOL! So I guess I’ll see you next Sunday ! 🙂 … I just think telling someone makes it a whole lot more acheivable and I can’t imagine my life without my cheerleaders!! love ya, Raj
I can not tell a lie! I am giving up for Lent my very frequent trips to FB but not as sacrifice unto God, as I feel that whatever sacrifice I make is moot and useless because my Lord and Savior made the ultimate sacrifice for me when He died on the cross so I could have life, and life in abundance!f I am doing it as a check for my own discipline, sense of integrity, and molding of character. No one on FB knows this, but…there! I said it! Cat’s out of the bag!
Thanks for visiting Gotta Tell Gail! And for your story! I’m thinking I’m gonna have to coin a few things under Raj-ology…I kinda like the sound of that! 🙂 … In that sense, I lucked out cuz my birthday this year falls on the day before Easter…I guess I can always eat my cake at midnight!! 😉
My story is similar, good little Baptist w/no clue about Lent until I moved into the neighborhood of the Catholics.
I’m giving up sugar (again) this year, which is quite a trick as we have three b’days which will ALWAYS fall during Lent, including my husband & two small grandkids.
I don’t have much problem day to day. And I have been known to take b’days off, reasoning that sacrifice and celebrations don’t go together (like the fasting when the Bridegroom is still here.) But I think that is just Gail-ology, not theology. We’ll see how this year goes.
May God bless and reinforce your efforts.
Gail P. Smith