Building castles. Building dreams. What’s your dream?
[Inspired by a friend who after reading The Hole in the Gospel by Richard Sterns took a vow of poverty with her best friend for one year.Their particular VOP is to buy no new clothes for themselves, this year.]
Remember that play “The Glass Menagerie” from high school? I can still picture Laura, a classic agoraphobic who never leaves her house. I thought of this picture as I skimmed one of those ten page magazines ads, and this one happened to feature amazing, geometrically-roofed, all glass sun rooms. And I wanted one.
Materialism is not my cup of tea, to be honest. Seriously, in a country where every commercial, bill board, heck, just look across your yard at the other guy’s house, and that green-eyed monster awakens with little prodding. Mine generally prefers to stay sleeping.
Materialism is not my cup of tea, to be honest. Seriously, in a country where every commercial, bill board, heck, just look across your yard at the other guy’s house, and that green-eyed monster awakens with little prodding. Mine generally prefers to stay sleeping.
I don’t know why I’m wired this way, but I’ve always craved the simple life. No more than one of a thing is plenty of a good thing. With the exception of kids, of course! Back in high school, my best friend and I used to talk about making sure we never owned more than one TV, one car, one this, one that, and when we got the second one or the newer one, we made a commitment to give the first one away. Sigh. It gets complicated when you get married.
Don’t get me wrong, we still live a very simple life, compared to a lot of people around us. In fact, in our early years of marriage, we didn’t own a car or a TV. We listened to music for entertainment, and we biked everywhere [a option when your husband is attending medical school on a Caribbean Island, and his campus, the local store, downtown, and the beaches are all a hop, skip or ten minute bike ride away.] Now we own two cars and two TVs and are thinking of buying a new car. Mind you, one of our cars is a ’94 Accord, and our second TV is actually an old school 19” tube, the kind that will never burn out.
We had to buy another car when our family size outgrew the number of seats, and the flat screen that showed up shortly after Christmas came as a result of our DVD player dying. Yeah, I didn’t see the connection to that last point either. But as soon as the DVD player kicked the bucket, my husband fished out the measuring tape from the garage, ran upstairs to our living room, and began stretching it across our wall. Confused, I asked, “What does the wall have to do with a new DVD player?”
“You can’t put a new DVD player next to an old TV,” he said with an ‘isn’t it obvious’ tone of voice.
I just laughed, because this is the same man who asked me a very serious question shortly after we started dating — one that would determine our future. Twelve years ago, while he lived in Miami and I taught in Chicago, he called me up one night. “Hey, do you have time to talk?”
“Yeah. Shoot. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just needed to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Well, just so you know, your answer is going to determine whether we have a future. Whether we get married someday. Whether there’s any point in us dating.”
Wow, I thought to myself. What the heck is he going to ask me? Started feeling like I walked into my high school English class when the teacher throws a pop quiz on a poem you have never read. It could be nothing. Right. He doesn’t sound like he’s joking, and he jokes around a lot. “What is it babily [our little twist on ‘baby’]? You sound so serious.”
“This is serious.”
“Okay, ask me. What’s on your mind?”
“You see, I was sitting here thinking about my dreams and my ideas of what my future looks like, and I said to myself, if she doesn’t have the same vision or can’t see herself fitting into this picture, this isn’t going to work. You see, even though I want to be a doctor and all that, I have no plans of living the good life. [The butterflies inside of me did cartwheels.] I don’t plan to live in a mansion, own lots of expensive stuff, have the latest sports car sitting in our driveway, etc. [Total mayhem broke out inside my heart.] I plan to live a simple life. [okay, if people explode, I was about to!!!] I don’t even know if I’ll be in the United States. I might be serving people in some tiny village in the middle of Africa, sleeping under a tree. [Ask already! My hand developed X-men power and the phone crushes between my fingers…okay, not really, but…] and well, I just need to know. Is this how you see your future? [My smile stretched so big, I was in pain!] Because I need to know if we have similar dreams if we’re going to move forw-”
“YES!!!”
“Huh? Really?
“Yes! Yes! A million times yes! This is how I’ve always seen my future, and I just can’t believe that we’re on the same page!!!”
I need a second to calm down. I think I might actually scare him off with my explosion of enthusiasm that is spewing forth like a volcano that activates after many years of silence.
I need a second to calm down. I think I might actually scare him off with my explosion of enthusiasm that is spewing forth like a volcano that activates after many years of silence.
“Wow!” he says. “That’s good. That’s great! Well, um, now, that that’s settled, I can go back to studying. Okay, then, I’ll call you later on my next study break.
“Okay.” I nearly sing the word.
I put the phone down and fall back on the couch. Then I lose it. I punched the couch with backward swings of my arms, stomped the floor with my heels, and cheered at the top of my lungs, like I just finished an Olympic race or the Bulls won another championship! I’m glad my roommate was out, or she’d think I needed to be admitted.
Still in shock when the pot simmers, I can’t believe God found my kindred spirit, sprinkled some pixie dust on his eyes to make him fall in love with me, and now he wants to talk about our future together, watching falling stars while sleeping under a tree somewhere in Africa! Okay, so he never mentioned falling stars, but come on, that’s a given.
We experienced our first tease of this dream a few years back on a six week trip to India. By this time, we have three precious little princesses, and Santhosh has been able to set up (not without a lot of headaches and frustrating international calls) four weeks working with different doctors in Punjab, my birthplace.
Before we even board the plane, we express our utter terror to each other. How would the girls do overseas? How would the Indian locals receive or reject these two very Americanized Indians? Would our tummies hold up? Would the baby get malaria? Would we get lost? Would we survive the mosquitoes, flies, roaches, etc.?
Would we simply hate it? Unfortunately, the exact opposite happened.
We loved it! All five of us. Not without its bumps, but overall, we just loved it. It felt like an almost perfect fit, like Cinderella’s missing slipper. Except that she’s been living in the castle and finally found her old worn out house slipper that is so much more cozy than those high heels she’s been forced to wear her whole life.
So if we loved it so much, why “unfortunately.”
Sigh.
I guess because now life gets complicated.If we had just hated it, at some level, we could go home, say that ‘at least we tried it’ and move on. No need to rock the boat. But…that wasn’t the case.
And now, ten years into our marriage, one more princess in the mix, we live with “divided hearts.” We love NYC. We feel so at home. We’ve made some friends that are family, and we love the diversity of cultures all around us. But, our hearts also belong somewhere else, and every so often, we get reminded. In the form of a brochure in the mail with pictures of India, a newsletter or e-mail from a friend who lives there, or a commercial on that addresses world poverty. Deep down, the yearning is still there. Like a volcano rustling from the rocks of memories feeding it here and there, the desire will never be satisfied until we return.
I honestly don’t know when we’ll go back.
Sometimes, I hear my hubby dreaming of adding a second floor to our two bedroom cottage and I want to mention, “But aren’t we leaving this place soon?” Right now, he’s working on a tree house for the girls in the backyard. In my mind, every nail he drives in adds a year or two to our departure. When he talks about buying an RV or a boat or a motorcycle, I find myself shrinking, confused as to how to get there from here.
Now there’s a little red corvette sitting in our driveway. It’s an ’88. Hubby’s excited to fix it up. And hang with some cool “manly-men” in the process. And…one of our biggest visions is to sponsor one hundred kids through World Vision before we die.
You might be thinking, as I did for many years, how can this be the same guy? He used to talk about living under a tree, and now he’s building a house and teetering with a sports car. I’m happy to say he IS the same guy. I guess you could say, he wants it all. He wants to enjoy this life and continue the adventure with variety in the itinerary. At the same time, he wants to get back to India, and live out the dream that will not rest until it is realized. The details need to be worked out, and although I have my restless days when all I can think is “When? How? Why not now?” [I’m a big Dr. Suess fan.] I have a lot more peace these days. I’m learning to live and be all here while I’m here. I’ll be happy to be all there, when I get there. I also think that it couldn’t hurt to take one of those glass domes with us. Maybe we could just have one made when we get back to India…that way, at least we keep the mosquitoes out!
Awwww! Thanks so much! What encouraging words to start the new year with!!
I love the way you write. It resonates a language of true honesty and inspiration held close to your heart and soul.Thank you for your words.
I believe God will honor your desire some day to return to India. He knows your heart and your passions.