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| Photo Credit: Lionsgate & Tyler Perry |
Hubby drops me off at the theater on Saturday to buy tickets while he runs a quick errand. We are 45 mins early, but it’s the weekend, the lines are long, and I need to save several seats for friends who are joining us. Yes. We’re trying to get in another date night since the kids are away. So I make my way up to the counter when my turn finally arrives and buy two tix for Tyler Perry’s new Madea’s Witness Protection movie. We’re big fans. Of both! Oh wait…
By the time I enter the theater, half an hour still remains and there are only two people seated in room numero 5. And they’re sitting at the very back. Not threatening at all to us middle-row movie seaters. The sky’s still the limit, so I decide to walk back to the front and keep an eye out for hubby or our friends. Since he can’t get in without his ticket and my phone is dead. Upgrade so overdue.
As I pass open doors to the Spiderman movie that starts twenty minutes sooner, I notice the previews have started. So I hang by the back and watch them. I’m not trying to watch two movies for the price of one. Just trying to pass the time since the minutes are crawling. After three previews, the time is only 4:08. Movie starts at 4:30. Don’t see anyone I recognize coming through the ticket line, so I walk back to room number five. Still only two viewers. Who take their movie seats more seriously than me. They are not budging from those back row seats. They came early just to get them. Options still open, I walk back to the concessions stand.
I’m thirsty. But too cheap to spend ten bucks on a sugary Slurpee. So I gather up the courage to ask for a cup of water. The same smiling guy who tore my ticket is now behind the counter, but before I can request for a cup of aqua, two big guys come up and place an order. They’re paying, so I step aside and let them go first.
“We’ll take five bags of popcorn, three hotdogs, two large sodas, and three packs of candy—Skittles, Mike and Ike’s, and Chocolate-covered Raisins. Oh, and extra salt on the pop corn.”
“Coming right up guys!” Mr. Friendly Movie Theater Employee starts scooping bag after bag and placing them on the counter. The guys leave. I guess they’ll come back for the order. Maybe they’re trying to save seats like me. But they walk toward theater numbers one and two, so I guess we’re not seeing the same movie.
“So I overheard you telling those guys you go to Penn State?” I start a little friendly small talk.
“Yup.” He’s still scooping popcorn.
“What are you studying?”
“Journalism and pre-law.” I think he said pre-law.
“I’m a writer too.” I only hear the Journalism bit.
“Cool. What do you write?”
So as we chat about blogging and writing stuff, I slip in the request for a cup of water. Nothing like a little friendly banter between strangers to break the ice before asking for stuff. It’s called the law of social dynamics. A person who can be drawn into a good conversation can be drawn out to do something for you. I think I learned this from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. I read it back in seventh grade. But when you’re a high extrovert like myself, you talk to strangers all the time. Just to pass the time. As a writer, I love stories. And everyone has a story.
Our writer chat is cut short when the two big guys return to pick up their popcorn. Then they leave and Mr. Penn State Journalism Major begins putting together the hot dogs. Two big guys return for the hot dogs. My water is washed down. That little cup had a lot of ice in it. So I politely ask for a refill.
One of the big guys takes the hot dogs and leaves while the other stays back. He needs more salt on his pop corn. Still in my friendly joking mode, I open my mouth and say, “Hey, are you waiting for some hot sauce for the popcorn?”
“What are you talking about?” Big guy is not about small talk.
“Nothing. I’m just saying I like hot sauce on my pop corn.” I’m just making conversation.
He ignores me. Maybe he’s hungry. I leave him alone.
Penn State Smiley returns from the back and starts funneling out the drinks.
“Here’s your water,” he says as he places a large sized cup right in front of me. Big Guy number two is now back and moves the drink to the other end of the counter, near where Big Guy Number one is standing.
Hmmmm. I’m thinking to myself, wasn’t that my water?
So when the guys leave again [haven’t figured out why they keep walking to and from the theater,] I reach over and retrieve my water.
As I take a sip, I hear Big Guy number one from behind me. “Why are you drinking my soda?” He doesn’t sound too happy, but he doesn’t sound too upset either.
“Oh this is just water. I think he’s getting your drinks now.”
I take a sip. And then this is where my external thinking gets me in trouble. “This isn’t water,” I say aloud.
“That’s what I told you.” Big Guy looks a perturbed now. “I told you that was my soda.”
Big Guy number two is back now. Just in time for Number one to tell him, “This girl took our soda.”
“I’m really sorry.” A little too late. “I didn’t even want soda. I could have sworn he said this was my water.”
“This chick?” Big Guy number one says, shakes his head and stares me down like he’s gonna kill me. I look at the front doors. Still no sign of hubby. “This girl took our soda? Just a minute a go, she tried to touch my pop corn. You touched my pop corn earlier. Why’d you do that? Why’d you touch my popcorn!?!”
Woah! This guy is now screaming at me. I’m walking away, one big step at at time. But not before he says a few more things loud enough for everyone to hear: “Step away. This girl is messing with me! She’s messing up my food! Somebody better get her far away from me! Far away!”
OMG! Madea!! Rescue me!! Now people in the concessions line are staring at me, and the new ticket guy turns to see what all the commotion is about.
“I’m just waiting for my husband to arrive,” I tell him. I’m hoping he gets here before I get beat up by two big guys who I think never even paid for their food. Not totally sure, but just saying I never saw any exchange of cash or plastic cards sliding across the counter. Perhaps the yelling was all part of a ploy to get me away from a shady transaction. All of a sudden, I feel like I’m in a low budget B-movie about a pop corn heist. And I’m gonna be the one lying on the floor–trampled by the last second viewers who don’t want to miss the opening scene of the Amazing Spiderman.
Big Guy finally stops yelling, and I hold hands with the new ticket guy like he’s my dad. Not really, but I think about it. I’m not lying—I’m actually scared. Hubby shows up a few mins later, and I do hold his hand. Like a vice grip. “Walk quickly.” I’m whispering. “Don’t stop. See those two guys by the popcorn. They’re trying to kill me.”
Hubby is used to my dramatics. He doesn’t totally believe me. But he’s been in New York long enough to know tempers can flare when you least expect it. Especially on hot summer days. Remember Spike Lee’s movie “Do the Right Thing.” I was trying to do the right thing and walk away.
Our friends are all here, and Madea comes on the screen, and the laughter begins. I’m still a little shaken by my near-death experience from moments past. Almost twenty minutes in, I’m finally able to relax and get into to the wit and humor of classic Tyler Perry. Other than the two kids sitting behind us who felt compelled to repeat aloud several lines in the movie and the guy who wanted to sing and snap to every song that played in the show, the movie outing was great. Great, I tell ya. So great, I think our next movie date should be on the couch. With our TV. Homemade popcorn. And no Big Guy about to squash me. I’m lucky to be alive to tell you this story.
Just a typical day in the life of Masala Mama. Must tone down the Masala next time.
“Hot sauce?” Hubby asks after the movie. “Why’d you ask him if he wanted hot sauce?”
“I don’t know.” And I don’t. But I do.
Like hot sauce on my popcorn.
**Have you ever ended up in a Pop corn brawl? What’s your favorite Tyler Perry movie?
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Thanks for stopping by Paul! I talk to strangers to make friends. That way, we’re no longer “strangers.” But sometimes a Stranger acts Strangely. Definitely caught me by surprise! -Raj
It’s happened to most of us; we relate. The build up of tension was palpable. The anticlimax should lead to your point: why DO we talk to strangers? There’s a risk versus reward. Might look at that a little closer. Was the risk of a fight worth a cool drink of water? Overall, I liked it.