Here with the lovely Bethany Jett, today. And super excited to share this fun interview with you. Because, Bethany is a doll, both inside and out, and she has such a heart for teens and healthy relationships, two of my heartbeats. I think that’s why we clicked right away when we first met. I knew from our first conversation that she didn’t have all the answers, but she has some pretty challenging insights on the whole madness of dating. And I, for one, think her new book The Cinderella Rule is worth a read if you’re in the midst of Dating Daze, a parent of teens, or someone who works closely with high school or colllege students.
So please allow me to introduce you to Bethany Jett. Now. 🙂
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Raj: Another book about dating! What makes this one different, in your opinion? And when should a teen read this? Before or during a relationship?
Bethany: The Cinderella Rule is all about how to be pursued, and teaches how much access to give a guy during the various stages of dating. I think teens should read this book immediately!–regardless of where you are in your dating life. If you haven’t dated anyone, it’ll help you avoid some common dating mistakes and teach you how to make a guy want to chase you. If you have dated, or are dating someone, it can help you assess your relationship and give you a basis for where your relationship is headed.
Raj: So your favorite Disney Princess is… Cinderella? Are you implying that every girl has a Prince out there waiting for her? Unpack the title a little for me! 🙂
Bethany: My favorite Disney princess is actually Belle, from Beauty and the Beast, mostly because I identify with her the most. I love to read! But the title comes from Cinderella’s approach to “dating.” She went to the ball unassuming and the Prince fell in love with her spirit and beauty.
I wish I knew what they talked about while they danced, because as soon as the clock struck midnight and she ran, he was so smitten with her that he had to find her. Aside from leaving her slipper behind, she didn’t call him, text him, Facebook friend him, or do anything to get a second date. She let him pursue her and ended up with a happily-ever-after. We can do the same.
Raj: Okay, so if I’m a 17-year old girl who’s madly in love with the boy in my AP Bio class. What’s the first step? Second? Assuming we’re already great friends, and I’m pretty sure he has a crush on me too!
Bethany: Every girl knows that guys aren’t as mature as us. Whaaat?!?! It’s okay to admit it. They just aren’t. This is the stage in a guy’s life where he is learning to work up the courage to talk to girls, ask them out, etc. We need to give boys the time and space to grow in that area.
If he likes you enough, he will find a way to ask you out. Always remember that a man will do what a man wants to do, and that includes high school boys.
Be his friend. Smile at him. If he talks to you, engage him in conversation with your charm and wit. But don’t ask him out, call him, text him, tweet at him, etc. When he’s ready, he’ll ask you out, but if he doesn’t, just remember that a guy who wants you won’t let a little nervousness stand in his way.
Raj: Is a kiss just a kiss? How do you inspire teens to wait on physical intimacy in a day and age when supposedly “everyone’s doing it?”
Bethany: A kiss is just a kiss when you have to peck your grandparents on the cheek. However, when we’re talking about the cutest boy we’ve ever seen, the answer is NO!
Save your kisses for someone who appreciates and treasures them. Boys don’t see kissing the same way we do. For them, and I’m speaking about boys as a whole here, kissing is a stepping-stone.
Since kissing is so common, saving your kisses is something that will set you apart from the other girls who will kiss anyone at anytime. Make your guy work for your kisses. They’re expensive. Plus, everything that’s worth something is worth waiting for. Giving kisses (and hugs) away for free cheapens them, and cheapens your sweet little spirit in the eyes of guys who are just looking for thrill.
Raj: What do you say to boys growing up without fathers? How do they shape their “pick-up” lines and dating habits without a role model? And what about girls without dads? How will they know what to look for when they never saw it at home?
Bethany: To boys growing up without fathers: watch the old classic movies to learn how to be smooth with the ladies. There’s a reason Cary Grant, Clark Gable, John Wayne, and Rock Hudson still make the ladies swoon. They were confident, charming, and mysterious. Every woman wanted to be with them.
Forget the cheesy pick up lines and work hard at school, your job, and strengthen your faith in God. I’ve heard more than one girl say that a guy who truly loves the Lord becomes more attractive in their eyes than his physical appearance. Develop a deep relationship with God and you won’t want to waste your time with silly, drama-filled girls.
To girls without daddies: do not equate God with your negative feelings towards your father. God loves you and will never let you down. Make your relationship with God your priority and you’ll be able to discern when a good guy comes along because he’ll have godly characteristics. You’ll be able to recognize his good nature and heart for God because it will be similar to yours. And watch the old classics, too…
Don’t replace the brokenness from your absent father with a boyfriend. Instead, fill it with God’s fatherly love for you and wait for the guy that God brings to you. You are God’s treasure and are worth waiting for.
Raj: Why is dating so important of a topic to you? You’re already married. Is this a book you wish you had read when you were going through it? Or one you kind of put together based on the sweet journey you’ve been on!? 🙂
Bethany: When I was in college, I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris and it changed my whole viewpoint on dating. I wish I’d read it in high school. Because of his book, I didn’t date anyone for two years, and then Justin walked into my life. I know that because of his book, I made choices that let me marry an incredible man. He’s a youth minister and I coach cheerleading at one of the local high schools. I watch girls make the same mistakes over and over when it comes to dating and my heart breaks for them.
I wanted to give my girls a way to have all my answers and advice in one place, so I started a blog for them. That way, at 2 AM in their college dorm rooms, I was accessible! That blog turned into The Cinderella Rule, and I was able to include Justin’s and my love affair – the good and the bad – to encourage girls along their own dating journey!
Raj: Your book clearly addresses issues of faith and trusting God in the Dating Daze. What if I’m a teen that doesn’t care about God or faith at this point in life. How is this book relevant for someone like me?
Bethany: You don’t have to believe in God to follow “the rules.” They apply to girls just because you’re female. And females are wired a certain way regardless of their religious or spiritual beliefs.
One of my hopes is that the girls who don’t care about God will read The Cinderella Rule, and understand how much God loves and cherishes them and wants only the best man for them.
BONUS:
Raj: IF you could do it all over again, what would you do differently? If anything?
Bethany: If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have gotten back together with Derek after our first break-up. I think it would have broadened our circle of friends and helped us become more independent during that time.
I was pretty lonely in high school, so I wish I could tell my fifteen-year-old self that filling that hole with boys wasn’t the best thing to do. I wish I’d spent more time developing healthy female friendships.
Raj: I’m a teen that has a messy past. How do I move on and work toward a healthier future, relationship-ly-speaking?
Bethany: Step one: Stop the negative behavior. If you’re having sex or experimenting sexually, quit. The beauty of youth is that you can reinvent yourself without much fuss. You’re not limited by your past and you can become that awesome woman you dream of becoming.
You might have to make hard choices, like not hanging out with a certain group of friends or breaking up with a boyfriend. These things are not easy to do, but if you can find people who are positive and happy, those character traits can become yours, too. Joining a team sport, club, or group is a great way to meet people. Find a local church and get involved in their youth group. Look for people that you want to be like. Positivity has a way of rubbing off on you, and it will be easier to move away from the negative things in your life and get a fresh start if you’re around people who can encourage you.
Raj here: Thanks so much, Bethany, for sharing your heart behind Cinderella Rule. Hope all the teens and those who have teens in their lives pick it up before the go to the ball! 🙂 And waltz onto the dance floor of dating days.
A little BIO on Bethany:
With five years of “youth sponsor interning” under her belt by the age of 21, Bethany Jett knew God’s purpose involved working with teenagers. She taught abstinence education (RESPECT) in high school, and began youth sponsoring at 17. Her dating book, The Cinderella Rule: a young woman’s guide to happily ever after, is available online and in bookstores.
Bethany speaks to teens on a weekly basis and has been the guest speaker at various women’s events. She recently won the Florida Christian Writers’ Conference 2012 Writer of the Year Award and has articles and movie reviews published with award-winning magazines. She is a featured columnist with Choose NOW Ministries, writing the On Friendship and On Dating columns.
She is her husband’s greatest asset in their youth ministry, working specifically with 6th-12th grade girls and mentoring them after graduation. Bethany is a writer, speaker, Sunday School teacher, Bible study leader, cheerleading coach, student, and mother of three adorable little boys.
Connect with Bethany at www.BethanyJett.com.
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Your turn? What questions about dating do you have for Bethany? Or relationships? Or boundaries? Or boyz! Let’s talk!
