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| Three Years Ago… |
So to condition my mental state in preparation for my new schedule for the summer with my girls home from school, I spent some time yesterday playing dolls with my almost five year old. She starts Kindergarten in September. Tomorrow’s her pre-school graduation and each time I think about it, I get a little teary.
For the longest time, I used to whisper into each of my girls’ ears at night. “Don’t grow. Don’t grow. Stay little. For me.”
I have long stopped doing that. I’m not so resistant to time passing. The girls changing. Each finding their way. Discovering their gifts. One day at a time. But I still have my moments. When I can’t help but realize that time has passed and another milestone arrived. And another memory soon to be filed under “yesterday.”
We’re going shoe shopping today. Sarah and I. This will be the beginning of a tradition, I’m guessing, with this diva daughter of mine. And she has already told me what she’s looking for: White. Shiny. Glittery. And tights to match of course.
While we played with the donated Polly pockets yesterday *Thanks T! I remembered when those little dolls first entered our home with Hannah over ten years ago. They have the darnedest little parts and that’s why I suppose kids love them. And mothers dread them. Cuz when a part is lost, the search can take up half a day. Barefoot Cinderellas I like to call them.
Well, my little Princess is excited to try on new shoes, and I have a feeling, she will try to convince me to buy more than one pair. So I have already rehearsed my response. Word, actually. “No.”
But I’m not going to be totally rigid. I have also told myself that unless she eyes five inch heels, I will let her freely choose her shoes today. I want her to own her decision. I want her to know her choices matter. And she can have her own tastes, even if they differ from her sisters and me. She’s ready.
This is the same child who began picking out her clothes before she turned two. Leggings and skirts mixed and matched very nicely for weeks on end. This is where it all starts. Becoming a little lady. Finding her way. Discovering herself.
“You are beautiful, you know that?” I told Sarah today after placing a nice long smooch on her forehead. We were about to take our last walk into her school on this last official day of school.
“Yes.” Giggle giggle.
She knows. But I tell her. As often as I can. Because so many voices in this world will tell her the opposite messages or messages with conditions attached: “You’ll be beautiful when you do this or wear that or eat this or don’t eat that.” I want to fill her heart and head with the truth long before those voices get to her.
Because I fought *and still do many a day, those voices so many years of my life. I want my girls to know they are beautiful. Inside and out. They are precious. Beyond measure. And there’s nothing in this world that will ever make me stop loving them. They are loved. Unconditionally.
That’s my graduation present to Sarah this year and for all the years I am blessed to be her mom. More valuable than the shoes. Longer lasting than any flowers or candy. And far more important than any academic lesson she’ll learn along the way.
Of course she’ll get the flowers and candy too. But the prettiest petal of all will be wearing white, shiny, glittery shoes. Congrats Beara-Beara! You’re the final Paulus girl to graduate Pre-K! Kindergarten… here we come!
**Anyone out there graduating in your family? Are you graduating? Any shout outs of life lessons you want to share with us as you move to the next stage?
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Sigh. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. I agree…the sea of every parent capturing the moment is a sight all its own. One that definitely affirms just how special graduations are! 🙂 Especially those first ones!
June 1st 9:30 am was my baby’s preschool graduation. I have been there before -the chapel where my other two kids walked accross the stage and sang songs and said goodbye to the preschool teachers. But this was different . this was my baby boy . How could he be so big?? Does he have to grow so fast?? I watched with tears in my eyes as he sang on stage. I looked around to see how many people were in there and the room looked like the presidential press conference!!. The entire back wall was lined with tripods fitted with cameras and videocameras!!!!. Some had tele lenses that could pick up every spot on the child!!. every parent in the chairs had an electronic recording device in their hands!! :)) I just coouldn’t help but smile!!as I continued to video tape my baby:))
Yup! Can’t help but be happy and sad. Almost started crying today when I dropped her off for her last day. So grateful for the two teachers who have poured so much love as they shaped Sarah during these last two years of pre-K!!! Congrats to your sista!! 🙂
I have a sista graduating and I’m happy/sad how bout’ you with that Sarah of yours???