My Hotty Under the Hood

[In Honor of Father’s Day, this week I’m blogging about one of hubby’s favorite things in the world: Cars! … Enjoy!]

Remember when you went to Kmart with your mom and they had the blue light special. “Attention all shoppers! For the next five minutes, and five minutes only, all white sports socks in Aisle three are an additional 50% off.” Then your mother would race her cart like a Nascar Driver over to Aisle three to get her paws on several packs of socks before they ran out. Can’t say I miss those days. Do they even have Kmarts anymore?


Anyway, in these economic times, every one’s looking to save a buck. When you save two, even better. When you save ten, you throw a party, order pizza, throw in some soda and inevitably, you’ve blown a twenty. Darnit! Two steps forward. One step back.  


The thing is, *Mom, please don’t be mad, I don’t do coupons. Sorry Mom. I know you still mail me them every once in awhile. But I just can’t get the hang of them. I tend to forget I have them. They expire. And I’ve received so many dirty looks from shoppers in line behind me as I dig through my purse for those “I just know it’s in here somewhere” moments. I’m done. I wholeheartedly applaud all you coupon kings and queens out there that have your organizers and never miss the “must use by” deadlines. I gladly place the “Clippers by Night & Savers by Day” crowns on your heads. Doesn’t work for me. So for anyone out there who still wants to save but has given up on coupons,

Here are My Top Ten Ways to Save a Penny…”Less for Less” 

1. Do your own hair. Really. This is for the ladies. Invest in a blow dryer, a round spiky brush, and a couple of curling irons. One to straighten, one to curl. Batta bing, batta boom. Fabulous hair days without the pinch. But for those days when you’re in a pinch and you want to look good without the effort, choose a weekday. Plenty of salons offer wash and blow out for $20 to $25. You can always splurge on the cut later. Or if you live in New York, zip over to Flushing. Salons with great deals up the ying-yang.

2. Do your own nails. You heard right. It is possible. There’s this stuff called nail polish remover, and it costs under two dollars. And then there’s this scrub brush you can use on your feet in the shower. And it tickles less when you do it on your own feet. Or just have the salon only paint your nails. “Change the polish” deals run under $10. And if you get into some salons before noon on a weekday, you can get a mani-pedi for $20. And if it’s not your wedding day, let a beauty school trainee do your nails for less. They have the best dealios around!

3. Make your own coffee. What a thought! Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts actually sell their coffee beans. And there’s this hand held frothy thingy that costs like ten bucks. And you can have a pot of it and drink it wearing your PJ’s and fuzzy slippers. No questions asked. But don’t forget to save the bag. Starbucks gives you a free coffee in house if you bring in an empty bag of their coffee. The bag doesn’t expire. And I can’t lose an empty Starbucks coffee bag in my purse! Just got mine the other day before a writing luncheon. 

4. Pack a lunch. Hubby started doing this. But label it. I’ve heard of those sticky fingers at the office. No name translates “free for all” I guess. Or go home for lunch. If you live close enough. But don’t bother your wife who’s trying to write a New York Time’s Best Seller. In fact, make her a sandwich. That’s her love language these days. 🙂

5. Recycle. This works for some people. Okay. This does not bring about tons of money unless you drink cans and bottles enough to fill your living room from corner to corner. In fact, the other day, I did this for the second time in my life. The last time I did this was so long ago, I actually forgot where to go. I brought a huge black garbage bag of recycled water bottles and spent the longest 45 minutes of my life fighting with the machines that hated me. I mean, they sucked in the other guy’s bottles no questions asked. But three times, not once, not twice, but three times, the contraption jammed and greeted me with a flashing sign that read, “Malfunction. Call an attendant for help.” 

Now the entrance to the grocery store is all the way on the other end of the parking lot. Who designed this get-up? So I’m not in a good mood after going through this twice. I bang on the window where I see a line of cashiers and point to the recycle center with my hands in the air. You know, the universal sign for “Something’s broken. I don’t know what to do. Someone help!” Each attendant looks at my blankly, and points to the next guy or gal. This is not a time for charades people. Just get out here and fix the stupid thing. 

A fellow shopper returning his cart looks at me with sympathy. “Can I help?”

“I think you need a key to restart these machines. They’re jammed. Again. I’m starting to think the workers here think I’m speaking a foreign language.” Looking down at my brown skin, I chuckle. I think the other guy didn’t get the joke. He walked away, apologizing he couldn’t be of more help. Nice guy. I think I scared him off. 

I could have made more money scrounging the parking lot floor for loose change I tell ya. I was annoyed. $2.45 later, I drive out of the parking lot to hand over the goods. My daughter was appointed the “water brigade” for her class. They’re raising money for clean water wells in Africa. I think the cause is great. I support that. But I looked my daughter square in the eye and said, “Next time they ask for a volunteer, DO NOT raise your hand. I’ll give you a twenty and we’ll call it a day.” I cannot go back there. To that prison of plastic and aluminum. I barely escaped the first time. 

6. Cook dinner. So obvious. But no one likes to cook all the time. So I say have a jar of peanut butter and Nutella handy for the days when a butter knife is the only dish in the sink. Paper plate/towel it that night too if you can. Less dishes. More smiles. That’s how it works in our house.

7. When you do go out to eat out, share. Seriously, people, the portion sizes in most American restaurants were designed by pregnant women. I’m sure of it. They are huge, huger and even huger. Nothing in between. We went out to a diner the other day with the kids, and I usually hate diner food, but Glen Cove Diner is an exception. The food is quality and we only ordered two entree specials for the six of us and still had leftovers for the next day. Maybe its because I have girls, but I’m convinced that our eyes are usually bigger than our tum-tums. Plus sharing helps you eat slower, giving your brain time to realize you are indeed full, and not super-stuffed and uncomfortably rolling out of the restaurant with more in your belly and less in your wallet.

8. Take walks with your family. And get this, you don’t actually have to go somewhere. You can stroll around the neighborhood. Say hello to neighbors working in their yards or just chilling on their porches. When you walk to a location, besides the library, you end up spending money. I grew up going for walks with my sister and parents every night after dinner. We ran ahead so we could chat, and Mom and Dad lagged behind so they could catch up with each other. Good times. Great memories.

9. Which brings me to my next little plug. Go to your local library. Borrow books. And then return them on time, before you lose them or forget them in another State. And never, never, NEVER lend a borrowed book to someone else. I did that once with a Blockbuster movie. Bad idea. Our friendship ended worse than a bad B movie. Not really. But it did cause momentary stress that could have been avoided. 

10. Fix your own car. Within reason of course. But I must tell you, I am convinced that you can do a lot of basic maintenance and simple repairs by skimming through your car’s Chilton’s Guide and watching YouTube videos. My hubby’s outside right now, replacing windshield wipers and freon on one car and then changing brake pads and sway bars on the other. He already finished changing the airbag and putting a new bulb into the rear right turn signal slot. Love my man for getting his hands all greasy for the sake of  savings. Love my neighbors for giving him a hand! Thanks Roy! And Jack! And… Plus, I think he secretly enjoys it. Like being a surgeon. But no one’s heart beat stopping is at stake. 

I know because earlier he calls me from under the hood of the car.

“Babe. Can you come here and help me with something.”

I reluctantly leave my Mac to give him a hand.

“Get in the driver’s seat.”

I get in, hoping this will not take too much time.

“Now press the horn.”

I push on our broken horn. And…[drum roll please] It lets out a loud beep!

“It works!” I scream. Hubs is smiling and nodding. 

I get out the car to give him a big, squeezey hug! 

“I just saved us $800.”

“Yeah! You’re my hotty! My hotty under the hood!”

“Your welcome.” Then a playful shove back toward the house.  “Now let me get back to work. I still have to do the oil change.”

Cha-ching was all I could think as I walked back inside. Cuz every little bit helps. Yes it does.

**How about you? Got any super-saver tips you’d like to share with us? Always looking for practical ways to stretch our dollars…Do Share!!

**IF you LIKED this POST, you MIGHT also LIKE:
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“To Turkey or Not to Turkey!”
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“Confessions of a Leaf-Thief”