As I thought of the challenges that I’ve faced in this last month, the hardest one has definitely been saying goodbye to my Grandma, who was affectionately referred to by all as “Biji” or “Mother.” I still have my moments. Especially when my ears crave just one more listen of her sarcastic commentary on life and all around her. Days before she passed, she made fun of my mispronunciation of a word in Punjabi. We laughed for several minutes as she gave me yet another grammar lesson over the phone. And then after she told about all fifteen body parts that ached, she said, “Other than that, I’m good.” And we laughed some more. Sigh. Will miss her. A lot. 

My sincerest thanks to everyone who has reached out to my family and me during this sad time. The physical and virtual hugs have all been received and help. More than I can express in words.

So as I sat alone in my house for the last couple of days after returning from the funeral, I’ve spent a lot of time reading since writing takes energy. 

But today, I feel ready to write. Something. Hope it makes you smile and reminds you that you’re not the only one out there who does silly things after you make a hard decision.For this year’s Lent, I gave up sweets, but the real killer for me has been saying no to chocolate. No thanks. Not today. Would love to, but I can’t. Soon. Just not now.

So here’s my TOP TEN things NOT TO DO if and when you ever decide to give up chocolate:

If you’re not eating chocolate during Lent, DO NOT:

1.  Walk into the grocery store and make a beeline to the baked goods aisle. Stare at the chocolate goodies like they’re puppies looking for a home, and then choose the check out aisle with the lady who just finished shopping like a hurricane is passing through town. Tonight. She has a million items on the counter and another million in her cart. The entire time you wait for her to bag, coupon, and pay for her food, the rows upon rows of candy bars are serenading you by name. Don’t do it.

2.  Buy a 100% dark chocolate baking bar, even if it’s Ghirardelli brand, and then take a bite out of it like it’s a candy bar. Your tongue was not made for the chalky, bitter, gritty taste of sugarless chocolate. Or at least mine wasn’t. This just might make you hate chocolate. Not good.

3.  Melt that 100% dark chocolate bar down and pour it over random sugarless items in your pantry in a futile attempt to create a wannabe baked good. I added peanut butter, coconut and granola [all sugar free] and then spooned them out onto a plate and then threw my tantalizing cookies into the freezer to expedite the process. Made some tea and sat down with a friend to share my invention. This is how you lose friends. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just don’t do it.


4.  Buy Nutella. And then when your kids eat crepes or make their lunches, you pass the spreadable hazelnut chocolate back and forth, right under your nose. And if sniffing counted, I’d be guilty all day long. And then when it runs out, you replace it. Just so you can hold it. And be wary of the knife used to spread it as it leaves your hand and falls into the kitchen sink. Licking off your fingers is just as wrong. Grab a paper towel and wipe clean your stealing fingers before they find themselves in your mouth!

5.  Go to Chili’s and order the Molten Cake for dessert. Possibly the best chocolate dessert on this side of heaven, just one bite will take you there. Something about that warm chocolate colliding with the cool vanilla ice cream topped with just a drizzle of caramel. And don’t even get me started about the chocolate shell that tops the ice cream. My family ate this in front of me the other night. I still love them. Barely. 

6.  Stand in line at Starbucks and pick up every chocolaty item and read the ingredients, hoping to find just one that has zero sugar. Knowing full well, that if it doesn’t say ‘sugar-free,’ there’s definitely sugar in there. Just plain torture. Why put yourself through it. Just put it down. And walk away. But don’t forget your latte. You can still have that.

7.  Write at the GLY cafe where they make an item called “Chocolate Lava Cake,” a delicacy you have tasted before and know the power behind even the smallest nibble. Aware that this creation releases higher level endorphins in you, why return weekly to attempt to eat it with your eyes? I’ve already ordered my birthday slice, and just in case the owner forgot, I remind him each time I show up. Yes. That one right there. That’s the one I want on Easter. The day after my birthday. Yes. Right there. Did you write it down? Just in case. Yes. That is the one. The problem is that I spend way too much time keeping my eyes on the prize and not enough time … hold on… Just one last peek.

8.  Google best sugar-free chocolate desserts on the Internet. They don’t exist. And once you substitute honey, Stevia, or agave for sugar, you’re creating a sweet dessert. Which is what you gave up in the first place. This creates a circular track. All roads lead back to chocolate. Sweet, dark, melting in your mouth chocolate. Don’t do it. This will only leave your taste buds spinning and your eyes drooling. Can eyes drool? I think so.

9.  Jog, walk, or bike by Locust Valley’s homemade chocolate shop called “Chocolicious.” The scents of freshly made chocolate permeate at least a five-mile radius, in which case I better just up and move to Alaska. Hubby buys me chocolate truffles or chocolate-covered strawberries from there once a year, on Valentine’s Day. Best just to look on the calendar and mark February 14th, and then take the scenic route on side streets to avoid the shop of mouth watering chocolaty goodness altogether. Even if it means you hop your neighbor’s fence and climb office buildings. Some detours are a matter of life and death.

10. Finally, if you’re serious about your sacrifice of chocolate for a greater cause. Do not. And I mean Do Not Dare. Under any circumstance. Eat chocolate bacon. I know it sounds good. I mean, come on? When you combine two of the wonders of the food world, you’re bound to create fireworks inside any mouth. Look at what happened when the chefs threw cheese and cake together. But I assure you. It’s cheating. And a whopping 160 calories for only three squares. I can honestly say that I haven’t tried it. Yet. But maybe for my birthday breakfast… Uhhhh Hubby? Are you reading this?? 

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What about you? Have you ever walked into a bar after giving up alcohol? Made reservations at Peter Luger’s after abstaining from red meat? Or joined a gym after renouncing exercise? Even the best of us have our moments of weakness. Hold strong my friends. Easter is around the corner. Only seventeen short days away. But who’s counting?? 🙂
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